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Give Them A Reason To Lean In

There’s no magic trick that will convince someone to connect with you, engage with you, or like you. You have to be authentic and give them a reason to lean into you. One way to do that is by asking for advice.


There Are No Secrets, Magic Tricks, Or Easy Buttons

“Give me the magic phrase that will win people over.”

“What’s the one technique that will allow me to connect to people?”

“What’s the secret to getting someone’s attention?”

Sales professionals are constantly seeking the “easy button” in sales. At Sales Gravy, we hear the above phrases every single day from sales professionals hoping to easily persuade people to trust them— without trying to build a relationship first.

Reality is sometimes a bitter pill to swallow, but here it is: There is no magic phrase, secret, or hidden technique that will automatically get people to pay attention to you.

However, there are strategies for increasing your probability of connecting with people and holding their attention with the right approach and mindset.

Establish the Connection

In his book, Give and Take, Adam Grant discusses the traits of “givers” and “takers” and outlines the best habits of each. One particular technique helped people with each trait become successful making connections with others.

It’s not magic though, as being genuine and authentic sits at the heart of it. Remember, there’s no easy button for learning someone’s pain points or for getting them to trust you to create a solution.

There’s no magic trick that will convince someone to connect with you, engage with you, or like you. You have to be authentic. And you have to give them a reason to lean into you.

When you ask people for their advice, they tend to respond in kind. They will seek you out when they are in need. But they will also hold your request in an elevated manner, and prioritize making an impact and delivering for you because asking for advice implies that you have trust in them.

This will motivate them to engage more and continue to establish a connection with you over time.

Asking for advice:

  • Increases the motivation of people in wanting to do business with you. This bends probability in your favor to negotiate the terms (and pricing) that you desire.
  • Increases your likeability. It’s simple. The more they like you, the more they will work with you.
  • Leverages commitment bias. In short, asking for someone’s advice is asking them to make a commitment to you. People naturally want to remain consistent with their commitments to others.

Regardless, any person loves to be asked for advice. It doesn’t matter if they are an extrovert, introvert, ambivert, director, socializer, consensus builder, or analyzer. Everyone thrives on people seeking their wisdom.

They tend to invest more time in you, which is proven to increase your odds throughout the sales cycle.

Asking people for advice makes them feel important, which is the most insatiable human desire. It will trigger their self-disclosure loop and pull them closer to you.

There’s a catch, though. When you ask them for advice, the request must be real. It cannot be fake. People can spot when you are being fake from a mile away.

As you engage with people, ask them more open-ended questions, listen more, and there will inevitably come a time when you can genuinely ask for their advice on something. Making real connections matters. Your message matters.

About the author

Keith Lubner

Keith Lubner

Keith Lubner is Chief Strategy Officer at Sales Gravy and acts as an advisor,…

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