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We needed to look at the world, and in this case the situation, from another set of lenses – not the ones we were used to viewing situations with.


Throughout the course of history, humans from different parts of the world have been communicating with one another…in bad ways.

While sitting in a restaurant in Venice, I found my aggravation levels slowly rising.

Our server, Rosemarie, had taken a long time in bringing us water, taking our order, and now delivering our check.

It was an extraordinarily long time by anyone’s standards and the tension and irritability was so noticeable within our group that one could “slice it out of the air”.

But our views dramatically changed when one of the children said the following:  “Hey, isn’t their country cool!”

At that very moment, all the frustrations were sucked out of the room.  At that moment, we reconnected with the reality of being in someone else’s country where the traditions, norms, and cadence of life is different.

In this case, the “experience” of the meal is what we were missing and our impatience was rooted in what we were used to back home with restaurants.

We needed to look at the world, and in this case the situation, from another set of lenses – not the ones we were used to viewing situations with.

Our server was doing what she normally did because that is how life operates where she is from.

Ultra-high performers (UHPs) recognize the power of the language of empathy.

In the case of our server, the UHP would have been intentionally reading the situation and interpreting Rosemarie’s messages from her point of view, not the other way around.

By doing so, confusion, frustration, and disruptive emotions are avoided because the UHP would be communicating as if they were in the other person’s shoes.

Whether you are in a face-to-face-meeting, drafting an email, or conversing on the telephone, utilizing empathy with your messages always increases your probability of success.

Your Messages Matter.

About the author

Keith Lubner

Keith Lubner

Keith Lubner is Chief Strategy Officer at Sales Gravy and acts as an advisor,…

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